Waves of Agony
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Izumi is beaten almost to death. Koji swears to find out who did it...and make them pay.
1. Intro

A/N: I haven't read all of the manga, but I've read a few random chapters translated (without pictures, boo hoo), the first three volumes translated with pictures, and I've seen both OVAs (which really wasn't enough). I'm by no means an expert, but I do love the relationship between Koji and Izumi, so I really wanted to mess around with them a bit (this will be the second time, now). 

Because I don't know how Bronze ends...I decided to write something a little AU. It might get very dark and angsty, so be warned! Koji will be doing some shocking things (that don't involve Izumi directly) and I doubt if anyone's going to be happy at the end.

That being said, please read on!

Intro

Pain. Horrible, excruciating, unending pain. He couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't think...he could hardly even breathe. 

He crawled on hands and knees trying to get home. Home...It seemed so far. He just wanted to rest...

Finally, he was there. He had just enough strength left to get the door open, and then he collapsed on the floor.

He thought vaguely that he shouldn't be lying here, because he was staining the floor with his blood. It would be so hard to clean it up...

Then, his thoughts shattered.

He couldn't remember who he was. He couldn't remember a thing. 

For a moment, he thought he could hear a voice calling his name...but it was muffled. The name might not even be his.

The voice stopped.

There was only the pain that shot through his entire body, in crimson waves of agony. It lasted for an eternity -- and then it ended. Then, there was nothing. Blissful, wonderful nothing.

~~~~~

Koji arrived home feeling a bit more cheerful than usual. It was nice to be able to walk around without reporters or paparazzi following him. It had been months since he'd quit singing, and it was finally starting to die down. Pretty soon, no one would care anymore at all; they would move on to some new singer, and worship him for a while.

It was a comforting thought, really. He never wanted to be in the spotlight again. He wanted to disappear into the background, where he and Izumi could live in peace.

As soon as he lay a hand on the door handle, he knew something was wrong. It was wet, and sticky; this was not sweat, it was...

It was blood.

"Izumi!"

He threw the door open, and the sight that greeted him almost made him retch. The broken thing on the floor hardly even resembled Izumi.

What had happened to him? He hadn't come home last night, but Koji hadn't been worried; he'd gone to stay with his siblings for the evening, and he had assumed that Izumi had been forced to stay over, as he always was. Of course, Koji hated it when Izumi went away, even for an evening, but he'd learned to be just a little patient.

This just proved that patience was a stupid, stupid thing, that eased his worries when really, he should be panicking.

Izumi moved, a little.

"No, don't move. I'll call an ambulance."

Koji rushed to the phone, and dialled the number with shaking hands. It was a wonder he even hit the right buttons the first time. He screamed at the woman on the other end, and told her to hurry. Why the hell was she so calm? How could she be? Izumi's life was draining out onto the floor, and she was telling him to calm down?

He slammed down the receiver, and dropped to Izumi's side.

"Don't die," he pleaded. If Izumi died, what would he do?

The answer seemed simple enough. If Izumi died, then he would die, too.

~~~~~

~tbc~


	2. Part 1

Part 1

Koji hated hospitals. He hated the smell of them, the smell of disinfectant. It reminded him too much of the smell of death.

Izumi was in a coma. The doctor said it appeared that he had been severely beaten, almost to death. He might pull through, but the chances were not entirely good.

Koji sat by Izumi's side, hour after hour, clutching his hand, and watching his face...begging those eyelashes to flutter, and then the eyelids to open, so that he could see Izumi whole, once more. Alive.

Hour after hour, day after day, for what seemed like an eternity, Koji was by Izumi's side, and for the entire time, he had nothing to do but play "what if".

What if Izumi never woke up? He would disappear from the world, leaving Koji behind. Never again would Izumi greet him when he got home. He would never see Izumi's rare, rare smile. He would never hear Izumi yell at him for being stupid, he would never...

Koji had already decided that if Izumi died, he would die too, and go after him. Maybe in death it would be easier to be together than it had in life, but...What if there was nothing after death? Koji did not want the two of them to be separated, ever. Izumi was _his_, and always would be, and he was furious that someone was trying to tear them apart.

What bastard could have hurt Izumi so? To go to this extreme...why? Why bother?

Did my brother do this? For a moment, Koji hoped desperately for that to be the case; because if it was, it would be easily taken care of...

"Ah..." Izumi made a pathetic little noise. Koji snapped out of his thoughts immediately, and gripped the hand that he held even tighter.

"Wake up, please..."

The eyelashes fluttered. The eyes blinked open. Koji felt tears of relief escaping his eyes. He called for someone, anyone.

"Where am I?" Izumi asked.

"The hospital," Koji replied. 

"Koji...? What am I doing here?"

"When I got home, I found you in a mess on the floor. What the hell happened?"

"I...They attacked me in an alley...They said that..."

The nurse arrived then, with doctor in tow. The doctor shooed Koji away, and checked up on the now awake patient.

Koji would have to wait until later for an explanation, but as soon as he got it, someone was going to pay.

Someone had to be held accountable for the pain they'd caused -- and they would pay for it with their own blood.

~~~~~

The doctor told Koji it was better not to ask about what had happened to Izumi until Izumi was somewhat recovered. If Koji pushed him for answers, he might snap from the trauma.

"It's good that he has such a good friend by his side," the doctor had told him. 

Friend? No, they were not really friends, but of course he didn't tell the doctor that.

It was horrible, the waiting, but Koji would wait if that meant Izumi would get well sooner. He didn't want to see Izumi looking miserable in that hospital bed for any longer than was necessary.

Izumi's brother and sister came in to see him once a day. They'd been there while Izumi was in the coma, as well. He was always very pleased to see them, and he sighed every time they had to leave.

Koji only left when the nurse forced him to leave, when visiting hours were over. He hadn't really slept since Izumi had gone into the hospital; he had to drink himself to sleep every night.

Finally, the doctor said it would be all right for Izumi to go home, as long as there was someone to take care of him. Koji promised that there most certainly would be someone who would take care of him, whether Izumi liked it or not. He was not the type who enjoyed having to be helped, but he was going to get all the help he needed. Koji would make sure of that.

~~~~~

Izumi was almost asleep. It was his first night at home, and Koji was by his side as usual, stroking his hair.

"Tell me, Izumi. Who did this to you."

"I...I think it was some of the other players on my team," Izumi said. It was much easier to extract information from him when he was already half in dream land.

"Why would they do that?"

"I don't know. Maybe they want me out of the way so they can get recognized. I don't want to make a big deal out of this, though...No press or anything..." Izumi clutched Koji's sleeve, pleading. He was fully awake again. "I don't want any of this to come out. I won't play, they'll be happy, it's all over. Koji...don't do anything."

"I won't press any charges, and the press won't come after you," Koji said. "I promise you that."

He would keep that promise, but it didn't mean that he wasn't going to have revenge. Oh no; he would have revenge on the ones who had caused his Izumi grief, and therefore had caused himself grief.

He would make them pay.


	3. Part 2

Part 2

He stared at the bloody carcass on the ground, unfeeling. The man had deserved it. He'd hurt Izumi!

Nanjo Koji was a killer. He did not feel at all shocked with himself; he'd known all along that to protect Izumi he would go as far as it took. To avenge Izumi's pain, he would gladly kill a hundred people, especially scum like this one.

After cleaning the blade of his knife on the dead man's pants, he turned from the blood-stained alley and left the smell of death behind him.

No -- he could not leave that behind. The smell of death would follow him everywhere, now. Still, he had no regrets. The man would never hurt Izumi again.

~~~~~

"Koji? Is that blood on your jacket?"

Koji brushed Izumi aside. Izumi's eyes widened. Koji _never_ did that to him.

"I need a shower," Koji said, roughly.

"Koji..."

Koji turned to look him in the eye. "It's not blood, Izumi, so don't worry. Everything will be fine."

There was something in Koji's eyes that frightened Izumi; something that had never been there before. He couldn't tell what it was, exactly, only that he didn't like it.

What was going on with him?

~~~~~

Izumi was not one for watching television, but there was not much else to do, these days. He wasn't supposed to move around very much, so he was confined to the house. Koji was gone most days, since he worked in an office, now. He had to do something to pay the rent, he said, though Izumi suspected he had enough money put away somewhere to last him for quite a while.

Koji always came home early, lately, to make sure that Izumi was all right. Izumi hated having to depend on anyone, but it did make him happy to see Koji's face. It was better than the loneliness of being cooped up in the apartment all day. It was also nice to have Koji waiting on him, and being so gentle...It almost made him forget about the other side of Koji, the one he was more than a little afraid of. The demanding side; the possessive side.

Since there was nothing to do but watch television, he happened to catch the news the morning after the incident with Koji. He had been so sure that it was blood on that jacket; but how blood found it's way there? Did he really want to know?

"A battered body was found in a back alley last night. Police have yet to release any major details, but there is no doubt that it was murder. He was stabbed to death by a small knife."

Izumi couldn't breathe. It was too much of a coincidence...but the two things were not necessarily related. Maybe Koji had cut himself, and that was the reason for the blood on the jacket...That had to be it. Koji would never _kill_ anyone, no matter how bad his jealousy or temper was...

"Izumi! I'm home."

Izumi started at the voice. "Koji..."

"Is something wrong, Izumi? You're very pale." Koji felt Izumi's forehead to check for a fever. Izumi stifled a sigh of relief. The same old Koji...even if he had been acting a little weirdly last night.

"I'm fine," he said. "Just sick and tired of sitting around all day."

"Well, that will be over soon enough," Koji said. "Until then, I'll take care of you."

Izumi allowed Koji to pull him close, and he rested in that embrace. No, Koji was not a bad person, even if he did blame him for all the misery he had suffered.

~~~~~

There were voices in Koji's head. They spoke to him sometimes, now; one was his crying and bleeding conscience, and the other was a laughing voice that was completely happy about everything he'd done.

They were driving him crazy. Well, more crazy than he was already. He knew that he was no longer sane -- he'd known that for a long time, really. His obsession with Izumi had made him cross that line, and now...

Now he went out and _hunted_ every night. He would make every single one of those bastards who had hurt _his_ Izumi suffer, no matter what the consequences. It was the only thing that could satisfy him.

His conscience cried, and bled. The other voice...shrieked.

Koji left a corpse in an alley, and went home to his lover.

~~~~~

A/N: There is more to this story -- I'm not leaving it there. There are two more short chapters to come.


	4. Part 3

Part 3

Izumi felt sick to his stomach. There had been a string of murders, and according to the reporter that he'd been tuning into for the past few weeks, they were all connected.

"The police have released the names of the victims." She proceeded to rhyme off the names of most of Izumi's soccer teammates.

He'd told Koji that they were responsible for his beating, which was true, but he'd never thought that...

He'd never thought that Koji would ever go this far.

Izumi was not cold, but he couldn't stop shivering. What was he going to say when Koji got home? Could he pretend that nothing was wrong, and continue to live as they had been living all along? They'd never been very happy, but...with a shadow like that looming over them, would Izumi be able to stand it?

Izumi nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the door open.

"Izumi...you look pale. Are you all right?" It was an all-too familiar gesture these days, Koji placing a hand on Izumi's forehead to feel for a fever. Izumi shrank away from the touch.

"Did you do it, Koji?"

Koji blinked. "What are you talking about?"

Izumi pointed at the television. "Did you do it?"

"Is there something wrong with the screen?"

Izumi shook his head. "No, that's not what I mean. I was watching the news, and I saw...I saw...Did you kill them, Koji?"

The moment of hesitation was enough to convince Izumi that his suspicions were right. Koji didn't know how to answer -- he was responsible for those deaths.

"Why?" Izumi whispered. "Why would you?"

"They hurt you." Koji wasn't even going to try and deny it, not now. Izumi _knew_, and no amount of convincing was going to work.

"I told you not to bother! They wouldn't have touched me again."

"How do you know that for sure? They hurt you once out of jealousy, and they might have hurt you again. I wasn't going to take the chance. This way, you won't have to quit playing soccer. No one will ever hurt you again."

The look in Koji's eyes was frightening. It sent chills up and down Izumi's spine. What had Koji become? All for Izumi's sake...

"Koji..." How could he voice what he was feeling? What could he say? "Koji, you shouldn't have done that" wasn't really going to cut it. It was too late for "you shouldn't".

"Izumi. I didn't want you to know," Koji said. He reached out a hand, but Izumi shrank away from it. That hand was stained with blood.

Koji was a _murderer._

"Stay away from me," Izumi said. "Just stay away!" He turned and fled. He had no idea where he was going to go. He couldn't stay with his siblings; he couldn't impose on their foster parents like that. Living with Koji had been his last option, and now...

He couldn't stay with Koji, not now. Not after he'd caused him to become a killer. Izumi hated Koji, sometimes, and this was one of those times. He _hated_ Koji for ruining his life, and destroying all the walls he'd built up to protect himself; and yet, he was blaming himself for Koji's downfall. He hated _himself_ for being the cause of all of this.

He wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth.

He didn't get very far before he collapsed. He was still weak from his injuries, and he had no stamina. The last thing he thought of before he slipped into unconsciousness was the blood he had spotted on Koji's coat, that night.

Human blood -- the blood of Koji's victim.

~~~~~


	5. Part 4

Part 4

__

I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I want to forget everything; forget who I am, and start all over again.

I want to forget who you are, forget everything about you, everything you've done to me...everything I've let you do to me.

I want to forget what it means to love, this desperate, hopeless, helpless, forbidden love...

I don't know what to do.

~~~~~

Izumi opened his eyes, and found himself staring up at a familiar ceiling. That was odd; he could have sworn that when he'd fallen asleep, he'd been lying face down in the dirt, somewhere...

"Izumi."

It was Koji's voice. Of course Koji had chased after him, and brought him home once he'd collapsed. Koji would never let him remain face down in the dirt, ever. Koji loved him far too much for that; loved him in that desperate, obsessive, forbidden way.

Izumi's heart ached with so many different emotions that he couldn't understand any of them.

"Izumi."

"Koji, why did you bring me back?" Izumi asked. "I wanted to disappear. I can't take this anymore." It had been unbearable from the start with Koji, but now it was even worse. Now, he could admit to himself that he was really in love with Koji; but how could he love a murderer?

__

My fault, all of it, my fault.

I want to forget what it means to despair...I want to disappear...

"I couldn't leave you out there like that, Izumi. If you die, then I will die too. To save myself, I have to save you first."

Koji reached out a hand, and this time, Izumi did not shrink away.

"I love you, Izumi."

"I know."

"I will turn myself into the police," Koji said. "I'll go to jail; they might even kill me. That is how justice works."

Koji, in jail? Then there would be no Koji to greet him when he got home, no Koji lying beside him in bed, no Koji...

"No." Izumi shook his head violently. "No, no, no! Don't leave me," he pleaded. "Don't leave me." Usually, he told Koji to go away. Most of the time, he wanted Koji out of his life...but if Koji left, then he would have nothing. There was nothing left, now.

Koji had given up his soul in order to protect Izumi, and the guilt was eating him alive. It was stronger than his hatred for Koji, stronger than anything.

Koji held him for a long, long time. "I won't leave you," he promised, "if that is what you want."

Izumi didn't really know what he wanted anymore. He wondered why life had to be so full of pain, and so void of anything else. He was tired of the ache in his heart. He wanted to feel numbness, instead.

__

I want to disappear, but I don't know how to lose myself. I'll forever remain in your arms. There is no escape. Our fate is too deeply intertwined, now...

I want to forget, but I will always remember.

"I love you, Izumi."

"I love you..."

~~~~~

A/N: Many thanks to those of you who read and/or reviewed. This story didn't really turn out the way I wanted it to, but...it is what it is.


End file.
